Friday, January 02, 2009

Let's start at the very beginning

A very good place to start.* Sorry, I couldn’t resist. First, I want to explain what this blog will and will not be. I am planning on chronicling my journey as a Christian woman through a particularly rough time in my marriage. I will do my best to not bash my husband, who we will call Alan (not his real name), or to wallow in self pity.

Alan and I have been married for over nine years, and together for over 12 years. I don’t want to share too many details about how we met and things like that because I would like this to be relatively anonymous. That being said, we met in college and were married in 1999 at the age of 21. Our daughter, Audrey, was born in September of 2007. I have been a Christian since a young age and was raised in a Christian home. Alan is a Christian and came to that decision in adulthood.

We have always had our issues, what married couple doesn’t, but things got worse after our daughter was born, particularly after I went back to work. We both wanted me to be able to stay at home with Audrey, but financially it just wasn’t possible. Under the pressure of home, child and work the cracks in our marriage got wider and wider. We both hold some responsibility in the deterioration of our relationship.

My husband then took an opportunity that we hoped would eventually lead to a job that would allow me to be able to stay at home with Audrey, but required for him to be away from home for four months. During that time away Alan started seriously thinking about divorce.

I’m not sure if his specific reasons are really that important, at least where the big picture is concerned. No matter what I do, I cannot change his mind. No amount of arguing or justifying will help. The only thing I can do is ask God to change me and let Him take care of the rest.

And that is what this blog will be about. My journey to change through God’s help and hopefully through that allow God to save my marriage, a Christian woman’s attempt to avoid divorce. Hopefully by writing about my struggles I can think through things more clearly and maybe assist someone else going through the same struggles.

*For those of you who don’t recognize it, that is from the Sound of Music.

1 comment:

  1. Oh sweet girl, how my heart breaks for you. I wish I could give you a hug and tell you everything will be alright.

    The thing that comes to mind is this, a gentle and loving reminder. YOU can not change your husband, only God can. I learned that the hard way, but only after I crashed and burned and destroyed everything around me as a response to my husband's hardened heart. It has taken years, but we are finally restored, and although still a work in progress, we are making headway. I will pray for you dear sister.

    I posted the following response on Sarah M's blog, but am including it here also just in case.

    "To Rebecca-

    Don’t give up on your husband, sometimes “that” moment of surrender to God takes a while. It doesn’t always happen in an instant just because sin is finally uncovered; rather it can be a long process full of hope and the ripping away of things about yourself you never realized before that are displeasing to God.

    Praying for you and your husband.

    Never doubt that God IS at work.