Road trip

Audrey and I took two massive road trips in January. Both were to Holly Springs, MS. We met her dad there so that she could have some time with him. Since he only gave me five days notice before the first trip I didn't have much time to plan any side trips. We did find a good park just off Interstate 40 east of Little Rock, but had to bypass some national historical sites because of lack of time. My biggest disappointment on the first trip was that we crossed the Mississippi in the dark so Audrey couldn't see it. I did tell her that we were crossing it and she said "The Mississippi River is the best river in the world!" I think she was a bit punchy after being on the road for 12 hours! Lol

So when I picked her up two weeks later I was determined to spend some time along the Mississippi River. We found a small park just south of downtown Memphis and even though the day was foggy I think we all enjoyed the side trip. Mom came with me on this trip and it was great to have so much time to chat. While we were in the park Audrey insisted that she wanted to take some pictures. I think she did pretty well for a four year old!
A view of the river




The monument at the park. Those houses were massive!




Mom and me. So nice to be in the pictures for a change!




I think she was trying for an artistic self portrait!




When the weather warms up I'd love to take Audrey back to Memphis and explore some of the sights.

Camping

Audrey and I went camping this past weekend. Not exactly the smartest thing to do when it is supposed to be 105 degrees and we just have a tent. I had been thinking about taking a quick camping trip just to see I could handle it with just Audrey and I. The last three trips I took were with a friend of mine and we collaborated on the stuff to bring and chores around the campsite. What finally made me decide to go is that out of the blue Audrey asked to go camping.

I learned a few lessons and Audrey had a great time. That is what was most important to me. With it being so hot we spent a lot of time at the swimming area and I was treated to a spa mud scrub by the cutest masseuse.

We burnt roasted hotdogs over the fire and the marshmallows were so soft from the heat that they barely needed to be toasted before they were perfect for smores. I'll probably wait until it cools off before I take another camping trip, but now I know that I can manage by myself!

Some Days

Some days I hold my head up high.  I know who I am and what I am supposed to do.  I walk confidently through my life secure in the knowledge that I am an amazing woman who may not be perfect, but is doing the best she can.

Other days I crawl. I have no idea where I fit in or what steps to take next. I duck my head, shoulders hunched, hoping others just ignore me as I get by with the bare minimum.

I've been having a string of "other" days lately.  You know what, pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps doesn't work.  It doesn't matter how much or how hard I pull, I still feel like I am sinking into the mud.  I tell myself that it has been a year and a half since the divorce was final and I should be past this! I read books, talk to friends, search the internet and I still can't pinpoint why I get stuck in these "other" days. 

From experience I know if I just hold on and live life as best I can then the "some" days will show up again. And that the times between my "other" days are growing longer and longer.  But when I am stuck in the middle of the mud pit it really doesn't feel that way.

Single Parenting

Linda over at Indigo Girl got me thinking about what my version of single parenting looks like. Here she was musing about what she would have to give up if she was a single parent and thought it could fall into one or all of four categories.

1. fun stuff with kids
2. free time/fun stuff for the parent
3. healthy meals/exercise
4. housekeeping/home improvement

In Audrey's almost 4 years of life (four?! how did that happen?!) I have been a single parent who has worked full-time outside the home for almost two years. So honestly I don't have much experience in what it is like to parent in a two parent family. I can only speak to what I feel that I am not fully capable of as a single parent and what sacrifices I might not have to make if I had a partner to help out.

Fun Stuff with Kids
This is the area I hope that I do best at. I want Audrey to have a full and wonderful childhood no matter whether I am a single parent or not. There is no guarantee that I will ever remarry and I don't want to put off doing fun stuff just because I don't have a partner to help. I may have to save up for big trips longer than a two income family, but I would have to do that if I was a stay-at-home mom as well. I do think Audrey occasionally loses out on fun stuff when I am at the end of my rope and just can't take on one more thing. But I don't let being a single parent stop me from doing things like go camping or traveling with Audrey.

Free Time/Fun Stuff for the Parent
Yep, while trying to balance everything this is what I usually give up. I have very little free time just for myself and most of the fun stuff I do includes Audrey. If there is something fun that I want to do by myself then I have to get a babysitter so it had better be worth the extra hassle and cost! To try to make sure I get some free time I get a baby sitter once a week. She shows up at 7:30, puts Audrey to bed at 8:30 and then stays until 10:30. That way Audrey and I are only missing out on one hour of together time once a week. Now it is true that during those three hours I am usually running errands, grocery shopping or working out, but I get to do those things all by myself!! And if I really need to just sit and veg then I can chose to do so at Barnes and Noble or a coffee shop. The other thing I do that has really helped my stress level is to get a massage once every other week. I schedule it for 4 pm that way I can work through lunch that day and go get the massage while Audrey is still in daycare. I so look forward to those massages!!

Healthy Meals/Exercise
I hope I do an ok job in the healthy meals area. I don't have the variety in the meal planning that I would like to have, but I do make sure we get veggies/fruits, protein and healthy carbs in every day. I limit the snacks and sweet stuff. I would love to have the time and energy to try new meals and foods, but right now I'm doing good just to get the basics done. I fail miserably where my exercise is concerned, but Audrey gets lots of exercise at daycare during the week. On the weekends I make sure that at least once a day we are doing something physical like swimming, walking around the zoo, dancing in the house or stuff like that. I need to make more of an effort to get my exercise in, but I can't justify putting her in the YMCA child care when she has already spent 9 hours in daycare while I am at work. And our weekend time together is so precious that I feel that I can't do it then either. She is in swimming lessons once a week, so I exercise then and then I usually exercise during the once a week babysitter visits. I just need to make more of an effort to put Audrey in the bike trailer or jogging stroller and get some exercise!

Housekeeping/Home Improvement
I rent the place I live in so home improvement isn't an issue thank God! I do have quite a few decorating projects that are taking me forever to finish, but I don't consider that a huge issue for me. As for the housekeeping I do my best. I think this is something that parents struggle with whether they are in a two parent home or not because there is always something that needs to be done! My house isn't perfect, I do have a dog and a three year old! But I believe that it is sanitary and safe to live in. Sometimes clean laundry sits in the dryer or basket until it is time to wash more dirty clothes, or dishes will sit in the sink for a couple days, but overall I would rather focus on Audrey and our time together than cleaning!

One thing I do need to change is how much TV Audrey watches. She watches it while I'm getting ready in the morning, when I'm cooking dinner at night and other times too. I try to have her watch educational TV, but it doesn't change that she watches too much TV. Also I need to make more of an effort to eat dinner at the table with her.

I hope this doesn't come off as me whining or looking for sympathy. It was just interesting for me to look at my life and see where I make sacrifices or need to improve. Overall I am happy with how I am managing as a single parent.

Merging

I had a blog for some musing on divorce and how to survive. I decided since I'm not posting at either blog I might as well merge that one into this blog. Maybe if I have only one blog I will actually post to it! Here's hoping!

So many ideas, not enough time

When I moved from MN to KS I was able to see how much crafting stuff I actually had and for how many different types of crafts.  What follows is not an exclusive list of what I have the supplies for.

• Knitting
• Spinning
• Crochet
• Quilting
• Embroidery
• Beading
• Paper crafts
• General crafting

I have the most volume in the supplies for knitting and spinning, with the amount of yarn I have surpassing everything else by a wide margin!  When I organized my yarn stash I found that I had enough yarn to make four different sweaters, and at that time I was waiting on yarn for two more sweaters.  I'll write about that yarn later.  I also found that I had enough sock yarn for over 12 pairs of socks.  I have since gone through my sock yarn stash and matched up yarn with patterns.  I also have odds and ends of yarn for baby hats and misc projects. 

I also have a sewing machine and a stash of fabric.  I finally got my sewing machine out of its box this past week.  It was so dusty!  I thought about it and realized that it had been in its box for a year.  About time I got it out!  I've been wanting to make some pillow covers for my love seat and pew, and some pot holders.  But the first project I will start on will be a sewing machine cover.  I picked up the book Fresh Quilting and will be making the sewing machine cover on the front of the book. 

 Now that I'm finally settled into my new life and Christmas is over I've been feeling the pull of all my crafting supplies and knitting projects that I have already started.  I feel a bit scattered and need to come up with a plan to tackle it all, balancing completing old projects with starting new ones.  Time to dig in!

What to do

I"m not sure what to do with this here blog.  Sorry, had to use some down-home lingo now that I'm back in KS.  I can't delete it because I still get tons of hits for the  Two Color Brioche Stitch Scarf Pattern , at least 200 a month!  Last month the blog got over 1,200 hits and I'm betting that at least 99% were for that pattern.  So, no deleting the blog. 

On the other hand, I'm not quite yet comfortable with using to to journal daily life with pictures, stories and projects.  Ever since the divorce I have been very protective of my personal life, specifically not wanting my ex-husband to know a single darn thing about me.  I already resent what he has to know because we have a daughter together.  I do know that he used to search the internet for stuff about/from me and I got some of it thrown back in my face during an argument. 

But being realistic, it has been almost a year since the divorce was final.  The ex has had the same girlfriend for the past year and has moved in with her.  So, the odds of him regularly searching the internet for me are low.  I would bet that as long as I kept pictures of our daughter off of the blog that he wouldn't even care about anything else here. And I would have to make sure to keep anything off of the blog that could come back and bite me in the rear.  That is what my twitter account is for!   

I know I could keep it just to knitting/craft projects, but I'm not sure I couldn't let some personal stuff slip through.  I need to be ok with the occasional personal stuff being out there before I start writing.  And how boring would a blog be if it was just about X project, Y yarn and Z modifications.   I want to write a blog that I would read myself! 

So, all that to say that I think I am going to, cautiously, start posting again.  As I have time of course, and after the whole privacy issue, time is the next biggest issue.  Overall, I think it would be good for me to start blogging again.  I do need to lower my expectations on how I blog and the quality of the pictures that I post. I tend to be too much of a perfectionist! 

Hopefully this space will have lots of new stuff soon!